Movie Review: Friends & Family

Rarely do I find gay-themed movies in second-hand dvd stores. I think we people of the pink treasure our gay flicks even if they are flawed and we don't really feel the need to see them again. Ever. So I should have been forewarned when I found Friends & Family for the price of less than a cup of coffee. It is a deeply weird movie in that some parts that work pretty well are joined with a few parts that don't work in any way, shape or form. As the good parts aren't good enough to make up for the seriously bad ones, the whole production ends up going under.
Stephen and Danny are heavies for an Italian mob boss and are a gay couple. Their parents know about the latter and are dandy with it, but are oblivious about the former. Therefore, when all four of the parents come into town, many shenanigans ensue to cover up the shady profession. Though, because the couple is supposed to be our main interest and therefore sympathetic, we aren't really shown them doing anything all that shady. But everybody is deeply afraid of them because they have a reputation and as heavies for a mob boss I doubt it would be based on how they press wild flowers. They must have done some really bad and violent things in service for the mob - and these are the good guys...
What we also don't get to see is any physical activity going on between them. Because that would be - you know - gross, to the general audience that this movie seems to be aiming for. At the grand finale, the couple realises they took this job as tough, bad-ass mobsters to overcompensate for being gay. But it's not just the couple suffering from internalised homophobia; this whole movie has one foot in the closet. To kick up the gay-level in a sexless way, two flamers are presented as the best friends of our leads. How this group met and bonded is a scenario I can't quite fathom, but at least they are more interesting than the GQ duo. The 'leads' also have their thunder stolen by most of the slightly caricatured cast and their subplots. In the end, it feels like the headliners were the supporting cast in their own movie.
On the plus side, the production values are good, some jokes land and the actors - for the most part - manage to win you over. But then there is that one subplot that torpedoes the movie, sinks it, dives down for the remaining pieces and stomps on them.
One of the two pairs of parents are anti-government survivalists and plan to overthrow the people in charge now that they are visiting the big city by... well I didn't quite grasp the grander scheme, assuming there was one, but it ends in a hostage situation. The survivalist scenes leading up to this break tone completely with the rest of the movie and are entirely, cringe-inducingly unfunny. The actors and their characters are way over the top and the footage seems shot by amateurs without a script. They serve to force the movie to come to a climax, but a better solution could easily have been found to bring that about, using the other characters. The movie makes you feel like a good cook and a bad cook came together and only managed to come up with a half-way edible soufflé. It looks pretty, but falls flat.

Takei THAT!

George Takei (aka Sulu from Star Trek) came out as gay in 2005, but he unofficially came out - to me anyway - when I saw The Search for Spock (1984). I had been wondering even during the series, but in this movie there is one shot where he swishes across the screen so gaily, while throwing a cape over his shoulders, that all doubt was obliterated from my mind. Since 2005 he has been active fighting for gay causes (as well as appearing in Heroes) and I wanted to share an already somewhat older but very funny clip of him. When NBA sportsman Tim Hardaway made a homophobic comment, Takei responded hilariously and fittingly. Since arguments don't have an impact, maybe sly humour can help homophobes realise how irrational they are. Or maybe not.

Can You Bear It?

The expression 'camper than a row of tents' comes to mind when watching the video of the Dutch Bearband Bearforce 1. I have had the pleasure of talking a couple of times with the yellow-shirted band member (just talk, unfortunately) and can say that he is actually a sweet guy. And he and his body are well-known in Amsterdam, especially now that he is on the poster for Furball (a hairy men dance party) this month. I like the idea of this anti-boy band and even the silly dance moves are entertaining. It's just unfortunate that the music itself, a sort of collision of classic gay pophits re-sung, doesn't really do anything for me. I doubted it would go anywhere but apparently Perez Hilton picked up on it and the link from that renouned gossip site got the video 200.000 views in one day, so who knows... they might find their way to furry fame.

Movie Review: But I'm a Cheerleader

This movie sets up a situation with amazing potential for silliness, ramps up and then backs away as if startled by the monster it has created. The story goes thusly: an unsuspecting cheerleader is sent off to a rehab camp after an intervention in which she is told by parents and friends that she is a lesbian. That comes as a bit of a shock to her, as she thought all girls were mesmerised by bouncing breasts.
The boys and gals in the camp are sleeping in reassuringly color coded bedrooms (blue for boys, pink for ladies) and are trained to act in accordance with their gender. It should come as no surprise that the treatment is not only un-effective, but that romances start to develop, most notably between the cheerleader and a surly girl from rich parents who are threatening to disown her. Much theoretical tension ensues from the question whether or not the girls will end up together. No really, take a guess!
There are some nicely bizarre elements to the movie, most notably the colourful set design and outfits. The head of the house makes for a good, despicable villainess, who turns a blind eye to the fact that her own boy is a big flamer. And speaking of those: RuPaul - out of drag, as the trainer for the boys - makes a remarkably manly guy. The kids at the camp are amusing stereotypes that - apart from the romantic leads - struggle to be more than one-dimensional. For a movie with so many underdeveloped characters that could have used more scenes, it oddly struggles to fill its running time. It is also strange that the villains of the piece are not really dealt with at the end. There are a couple of scenes you expect are coming up by way of pay-off, but the movie can't be bothered, only interested by then in getting the main couple together. A bit more depth and sharper dialogue could have made this a movie worth re-watching. As it stands, once will be enough.

Movie Review: Head On

Over the last decade, there have been less depressing gay movies. Well, there are plenty that depress because they are bad, but not many that have the guts to be negative about the gay experience. In the olden days, as exposed in the great documentary The Celluloid Closet, gay people in movies were pathetic, ridiculous and asexual or evil. Since then they generally have been accepting of themselves, though often victimised by their surroundings. If they were in mainstream movies though, they often still got killed.
Ari is something else in Head On. He is a Greek guy in Australia who struggles with his heritage, in combination with his sexuality. He hates his orthodox father, partly because he is at an age when a lot of men do and also because he knows his father would disown him if he ever found out his son was gay. He is caught in a typically Greek close-knit family that is anything but homo-friendly and knows he will lose everything if he comes out. He has one flamboyantly gay nephew that is spat upon by the rest of the family - including his own father - that is his link with his gay side.
Now if you are expecting a cheerful morality tale with a happy ending you will be disappointed. Ari does not handle his internal conflict well: he goes on a self-destructive bender. He is rude to people who reach out to help him, does too many drugs and has unsafe sex with strangers. We follow him a whole night and by the end of it, there is a certain feeling of resolution, though there isn't the sense that he is beyond hope. It's a moody, dark and depressing ride, but it feels raw and real, which is a nice change from the upbeat fluff that a lot of gay-themed movies offer.
On a shallow note: Alex Dimitriades looks as hot in shadows and neon as he does in daylight and carries the movie easily, making us root for Ari even as he is being an asshole. That he appears full frontal is simply a bonus.

Movie Review: The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Nathan Green

Note to all involved: guys + dresses + big colourful hats does not necessarily equal funny. There has to be flair and funny dialogue involved. The two 'drag queens' in question are Ethan Green's adoptive fathers, for all practical purposes. Ethan - our everyman, fallible hero - is desperately looking for love and then runs away screaming when he is at risk of finding it. He is still friends with an ex he dumped or was dumped by (the movie is not completely clear on this). Ethan still has feelings for him, which start to stir as his ex becomes involved with an obnoxious right-winger. In the meantime Ethan gets involved with a beefcake sportsman and a teenage skank. Will he find love? Well, take a wild guess.
This movie is a frustrating mix of good and bad. Ethan 's couple of gay 'uncles' stick out like sore thumbs. They are two middle-aged masculine looking men in girly, ill-fitting clothes, which the writer seem to think is funny in and of itself. Another bad call was casting Dean Shelton as a kid that everyone in the movie seems to think is really hot. Not that he is bad-looking but he really does not live up to the billing of hottest-guy-in-the-movie. He doesn't even make the top three. (The same thing bugged me all throughout both Queer As Folk versions with the Brian Kinney character.)
The 'selling real estate' angle that supports most of the plot is not exactly the height of suspense the writers intended it to be. In general, the somewhat surreal and slapsticky brand of comedy used here, distances the viewer from the movie, even though some of the jokes work. It seems to expect us to empathise with Ethan, but comedically pulls the rug out from under us too often for that to really happen. What also bugged me - pun sadly intended - was a sex scene shot for laughs, where it seemed barebacking must be going on, though the 'snap' of a condom off-screen would only have added to the humour. Easiest entry in the history of anal sex by the way (even beating the one in Brokeback Mountain).
Meredith Baxter (the mom from Family Ties) is funny as one of those 'too cool to be real' moms only seen in gay movies. She organises gay and lesbian 'weddings' and is of course drafted to organise the one for Ethan's ex. She does the best with what she is given, but it seems more could have been made of her. And then there is Ethan himself: actor Daniel Letterle. Cute as a button and he is perfectly naturally gay. By which I mean, he does not overdo it for comedic effect or play it straight to disprove a stereotype. He seems at ease as Ethan and it is surprising that, according to the IMDB, he has apparently dropped off the face of the earth since he made this movie. He is very easy on the eyes and has charm to spare. I would love to see him as a regular gay character on a mainstream series. Diego Serrano as the jock also makes an impact, and looks very, very good without a shirt. In general there is a sense of everyone having a fun time and the goodwill that creates, makes up for some of the jokes falling embarrassingly flat.
This movie is symptomatic of most gay comedies: uneven, some hints of amateurism but well-intentioned and entertaining enough for an evening's cuddle on the couch with your lover. But don't expect it to be the last thing you talk about on your deathbed.

Book & Podcast Review: Savage Love

Over the last week I have been marathon-listening to the Savage Love podcast. Dan Savage is a sex and relationship advice columnist for the Seattle weekly newspaper The Stranger. I had previously come across Mr. Savage in the form of his books, through my work at the bookstore. In Skipping towards Gomorrah, he indulges himself in the Seven capital Sins on a quest for happiness. There is The Kid, about the adoption process he and his boyfriend went through to add a little bundle of joy to their existence. And The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage, and My Family is a memoir incorporating thoughts about gay marriage. The first two linger on my bookshelf, unread so far because I just haven't gotten around to them. (Try working at a bookstore for a couple of years and see if you don't start building up a serious backlog of reading material.)
A book also came out collecting entries from his advice column, titled - predictably - Savage Love. This one I have gone through cover to cover by now, and it is a fast and funny read. It's great for reading on the fly since the piecemeal structure means you can easily dip into it for a page or two in-between whatever you are doing. (STD's don't combine well with cooking though.) Through Mr. Savage's book and this podcast, I now know more about vaginas and the female orgasm than I ever needed to.
Mr. Savage has a bit of a pottymouth on him, which works just fine for his line of work. It signals to his audience that no question will be too rude to be taken seriously, anything goes. In some cases, the questions make you shake your head at the lack of knowledge that USA youngsters have about sex. There is real damage being done here by consciously keeping people uninformed, often under the guise of religion, but really because previous generations had it drilled into them that sex is BAD and feel they have to make others suffer for that as well.
Dan's mantra is pretty much that sex and sexual experimentation are GOOD, unless it harms you or others. It's about getting maximum pleasure out of it all, while keeping your head on straight. For instance, a gay guy who wants to visit an orgy is strongly advised not to: it carries too much risk of disease. Questions about things like *gag reflex* eating shit are handled with equal practicality (so that would be a 'not a good idea', though - rejoice - pee is safe).
Thankfully, he is also not playing along with the assumption of some gays, that gays are intrinsically good and straight people are pretty much evil. There are assholes on both sides of the fence, and Savage even counts himself as one of those assholes. On one of the podcasts he rightfully, verbally bitch-slaps an effeminate gay boy who thinks that all women are disgusting and wants nothing to do with them. He even goes a bit pussy on him (to use his terminology) by not pointing out that the boy's hatred of women probably ties in to the fact that he is a bit of a flamer, struggling with his feminine side.
The questions never get boring, helped by the voyeuristic aspect to them. Often the answers are close to what your own response would be at first thought, but with a twist and more facts behind them. Though the word SEX is on the cover of just about every magazine every month, they are pussies about the graphic and technical aspects of it. Savage deals with these with refreshing bluntness and humour. I encourage everyone to read his column and to listen to the podcast. But beware: this asshole is not for pussies.

Pornglasses

Walking around in the center of Amsterdam during our Queen's Day celebrations, I couldn't help but notice an odd revival: the return of the Seventies-Gay-Porn-Tom-of-Finland-Cop-Sunglasses. Normally I am not a dedicated follower of fashion, but in this case of dubious nostalgia, how could I resist? Please notice how butch I look, on account of all the not-shaving. Frown sold seperately.
And speaking of seventies cops; how's THIS for nostalgia?

Everybody say 'awww'.

Book review: Michael Tolliver Lives!

Working at a bookstore isn't always very exciting and the pay is crap, as with most retail. There are the occasional perks that come with the job though; like possibly coming across the Advance Reader's copy of a book by one of your favourite authors, months before it will be available to the general public. While I knew that a book was in the works, I was slightly stunned and overly excited when Armistead Maupin's Michael Tolliver Lives, was dropped in my path by a literary fairy - and considering my colleagues, that is not just a figure of speech. The book is a semi-sequel to his well-known Tales of the City series.
I had mainlined all of Maupin's Tales during one trimester while I was a student. They chronicle the unlikely and endearing adventures of an 'alternative' group of friends that form a sort of family during the seventies in San Francisco, at 28 Barbary Lane. The story started off as a serial for a newspaper, which explains the short chapters, regular cliffhangers and fast pace. The feel for dialogue was amazing, the easy writing style sped you along breathlessly. In later books, the style evolved into a more regular 'novel' approach, though the events were still charmingly farfetched.
The odd part of my reading experience was that I saw one episode of the television series beforehand - the one based on the first book - and carried the cast over to the literary mindscape. For me, the lovable landlady with a secret - Anna Madrigal - was and always will be Olympia Dukakis. The actors became fused in my mind with the characters. Therefore I could only accept it with some resentment when some of the parts were recast for later series... which neatly brings me to Michael Tolliver. In the previous books, he was a major point of identification for any gay man, sixties-born or not, looking for love in all the wrong places. I wanted to be him and date him at the same time. Which possibly means I was a bit messed up.
When we last left him, about twenty years ago, Michael was HIV+ and things did not look good. Many readers assumed he wasn't long for this world after fade out. However, when I stated this concern on a message board at the Barbary Lane website, I was rapped on the knuckles for this by the webmaster. I had assumed that Michael was a bit too far in the past to survive long enough to benefit from new AIDS treatments, but as it turns out, I am now quite officially wrong. And I am happy to be so, because it means that Michael Tolliver Lives!
The character has aged as much in years as the books have, putting him in the 50+ bracket. The lover we left him with was lost and now we find him in a May-December romance, having to deal with the impending death of his birthmother, the ill health of his 'adoptive' mother and with his religious sibling. Most of the old cast is present or referenced and feels comfortingly familiar, like old friends rediscovered. But this is very much Michael's story. For the first time we find ourselves right in Michael's mind, since the book is told in first-person perspective. For lovers of the original series, this is disorienting for a moment, as - in combination with him having aged - it makes him feel like a different character. It is not a big deviation for Maupin, however, as both of his most recent books (Maybe the Moon and Night Listener) were written in I form. The tone and mood also carry over from his recent work: wry, melancholic and sweet, without being saccharine. As with Night Listener, it's hard to keep from wondering how many autobiographical elements have found their way into the story.
As for what actually happens; the book is more of a character study than a wacky rollercoaster ride of events; no cannibalistic cults to be found here. There are thoughts about family (the one we are born with and the one we choose) and other big issues: love, aging, death. If that makes it sound downbeat, well, it isn't really. As the title suggests, Michael is just very much aware and grateful that he is Alive.
The dialogue flows easily as always and you will feel sad at how fast you ripped through the book. It seems unlikely there will be more forthcoming about this little family, unless Zimmer frames are involved, but as Michael Tolliver has learned: hope springs eternal.

Pictures: the top one shows Michael Tolliver from series 1 (Marcus D'Amico, on the left), the second one shows Michael Tolliver from series 2 & 3 (Paul Hopkins). Please note that both look good without a shirt.

Armistead Maupin's official website

Podcast Review: The Feast of Fools

The Little Podcast that Could

The Feast of Fools was - I think - the second podcast I ever listened to. Let us not speak of the first, there was too much anguish and mental trauma. Oddly perhaps, I did not warm to the Fools right away. But then the same happened to me with - among others - series like Buffy and Firefly of which I later became an avid fan. After I had played the field at iTunes a bit, I gave the Fools a second listen to and was hooked.

'So tell us about this podcast phenomenon', I telepathically hear you cry. Well, at the warm heart of the Feast of Fools is a couple from Chicago. There is Fausto Fernós, an intrepid designer for a local newspaper and Marc Felion, an equally intrepid bartender. Joining them on a regular basis are:

Ronnie: a BMW (Big Mexican Woman) or as Fausto calls her: 'la bomba atomica del podcasting'.

Sal-E: a make-up artist extraordinaire, who deals with all kinds of unsanitary waxing during his day job.

Amanda Steinstein: who - appearances to the contrary - is not a trannie, but in fact a natural-born, exuberant, straight woman.

Together in various groupings, they discuss interesting news items and shoot the breeze about whatever crosses their pleasantly deranged minds. Now and then there are also interviews with artistic types you might or might not have heard of. Just occasionally, as with George Takei (Star Trek's Sulu), they are known outside of the States, but most aren't and quite a few are just celebrities in the Chicago area. It has to be said that these episodes actually tend to be less entertaining than the ones with 'just' the regular cast, unless the artist has a prominent funny bone. But they make for a nice change of pace.

So what makes this podcast stand out? Well, first of all, despite both having day jobs, the couple manages to put out about five casts per week, each around 45 minutes long. For me in any case, that means they just about cover my travel-time to work and some time at the gym. But apart from quantity, the overall quality is great too. It is ably produced on both a technical level as well as content-wise, while maintaining a pleasantly loose, freewheeling feel. The hook is that you start to feel like you are part of this zany, madcap family of friends, even if it is just as a fly on the wall. Should you feel like being a more interactive fly, there is also a website with message boards and photo-galleries.

The podcast has won several awards already and it is the most-downloaded gay podcast on iTunes. Give them a listen or two and find out why. Feast of Fools Website

ps: my second favourite podcast is the weekly Never not Funny, where two stand-up comedians and their producer yap about themselves, music, sports, comedy and television/movies. Also definitely worth your time. Never Not Funny

Bad, BAD Podcast!

This is not specifically gay-oriented, but there are quite a few amateur gaycasters out there and for humanity's sake, they need to read this.

There are many ways of making a podcast really SUCK. And here are only some of them:

* Make the volume really low, so that people on treadmills and on-the-go will have to strain to hear what you are saying. If more than one person is present, make sure that some microphones are a lot louder than others and, as a final flourish, intersperse with LOUD musical interludes, to make sure that people will be straining and cringing at short intervals.
* Talk a lot about how you are podcasting, especially the technical aspects. Specify for half an hour how long it took you to prepare for the podcast, share all the heartaches and setbacks during this process and be sure to note the exact time and place that you are now - finally - recording. For prosperity's sake. Or something.
* Keep teasing stories that sound interesting, even though you have nothing interesting to say in the present.
* Do a lot of giggling about how lame and crap your podcast is in any or all aspects.
* Whatever you do, do NOT prepare some topics for your show and do NOT have anything noteworthy to say about these topics.
* Make your podcasts roughly the length of a long fart, making sure people will have to cycle through at least three 'podcasts' during an elevator ride.

So much for the bad - next time a review of my favourite gay podcast.

Boekrecensie: Orgieën voor Beginners

Ik moet tot mijn schande - of gebrek aan schande - bekennen dat ik nooit deel heb genomen aan een orgie. Maar toen er een boek in mijn handen belandde dat beloofde een soort Orgieën voor Dummies te zijn, werd mijn nieuwsgierigheid gewekt. De zuurstokkleurige voorkant lijkt gemaakt voor een vrolijke noot op de koffietafel, maar tenzij je bezoek over het algemeen erg vrijzinnig is, valt dit af te raden. Voor raadpleging tijdens een orgie lijkt het boek ook weinig geschikt - door het gebrek aan illustraties is het echt een werkje waar je voor moet gaan zitten.
De auteur, Simon Sheppard, is niet iemand die je snel aan het blozen krijgt: hij schreef al een paar boeken met erotische verhalen en in Kinkorama ging hij hoogstpersoonlijk op onderzoek uit in de wereld van ‘perverse’ sex (glory holes, voeten-fetish, S/M, fisten, travestieten, luiers…). Hoewel dat interessant was om te lezen, voelde ik weinig aandrang om me er zelf aan te wagen. Ik was benieuwd of het Sheppard deze keer wèl zou lukken om me te perverteren, zeker omdat een quote op de achterkant van het boek belooft: ‘Guaranteed to turn the uptightest prude into a born-again group-scene slut’.
Zowel voor organisatoren als bezoekers blijkt het maar een ingewikkelde bedoening, vol impliciete en expliciete regels over hygiëne en safe sex en een mijnenveld van gedragsregels, die afhankelijk zijn van het soort feest. Voor een - relatief - braaf mannetje als ik blijft het moeilijk voor te stellen dat je de zitkamer met plastic zakken bedekt voor een lekkere plasparty. Sheppard maakt duidelijk dat een achtergebleven vlek of twee nu eenmaal bij de nasleep hoort en ook dat in een situatie met zo veel heen en weer wippende mannen safe sex een relatief begrip blijft. Ik zal het toch bij 1-op-1 houden: meer focus en meer controle. Nou ja, en misschien eens 1-op-2, voor speciale gelegenheden. Tijdens kerstmis of zo.

Simon Sheppard:
Sex Parties 101 ISBN 1-55583-867-7
Kinkorama - Dispatches from the Front Line of Perversion ISBN 1-55583-634-8

(Gepubliceerd in de Gay Krant, 2005)

Boekrecensie: Het Witte Paard aan de Ketting

Je bent een tijd een Happy Single, leeft je uit tot je op Romantische wijze Mr. Right tegenkomt met het Grote Hart en als het even meezit de Grote Bankrekening en/of de Grote Penis (laten we eerlijk zijn). Je adopteert misschien wat leuke koters en dan leef je samen nog lang en gelukkig. Althans, dat is hoop die veel homo-mannen hebben, maar het leven blijkt toch een stukje ingewikkelder.
Dr. Kenneth D. George schreef met Keeping Mr. Right een vervolg op zijn Mr. Right is Out There. Hij richt zich nu op het bereiken van een happily ever after met de reeds gevonden Ridder op het Witte Paard. Hij hamert vooral op het belang van het duidelijk communiceren van verwachtingen en gevoelens binnen een relatie. Hij zegt daarbij zinnige dingen, maar veel van de ‘opdrachten’ voor de lezer komen erg geitenwollensokkerig over. Verder beweert hij dat er binnen homo-relaties altijd een machtsstrijd speelt en geeft hij tips om daar mee om te gaan. Open relaties raadt hij af omdat dat al snel tot onstabiliteit zou leiden. Hij verdedigt met iets te veel nadruk relaties met een groot leeftijdsverschil - de schrijver heeft zelf een twintig jaar jongere vriend - maar een hoofdstuk over bijvoorbeeld omgaan met culturele verschillen binnen een relatie ontbreekt. Toch jammer voor de metropool-homo’s, die daar steeds vaker mee te maken krijgen.
Ik heb volgens Dr. George een succesvolle relatie (want: langer dan vijf jaar en still going strong) maar of ik door het lezen van dit boek gelukkiger zal worden, valt te betwijfelen. Voor mij liever het meer cynische, al wat oudere boek Finding True Love in a Man-Eat-Man World (1996). Het dekt met gevoel voor humor daten, seks en relaties, al is het duidelijk gedateerd door met name het ontbreken van internet in de paringsdans. Tja, cynisme of liefde met een hoog Dr. Phil-gehalte - de realiteit ligt, zoals vaak, in het midden.

Keeping Mr. Right - Dr. Kenneth D. George ISBN 1-55583-800-6
Finding True Love in a Man-Eat-Man World - Craig Nelson ISBN 0-440-50689-1

(Gepubliceerd in de Gay Krant, 2005)

Boekrecensie: Secrets of a Gay Marine Pornstar

Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star klinkt als een boek om met één hand in je schoot te lezen. Maar dat valt mee. (Of tegen, afhankelijk van je verwachtingen.) Het is de autobiografie van Rich Merritt, in xxx-kringen beter bekend als Danny Orlis. Rich kwam in het nieuws als de anonieme spil van een ophef veroorzakend voorpagina-artikel van de New York Times, in 1998. Het illustreerde de problemen van homo’s bij de Amerikaanse marine, die door de ‘don’t ask, don’t tell policy’ gedwongen worden een dubbelleven te leiden.
Zijn verhulde identiteit liet zich niet al te moeilijk raden door intimi en toen het blad The Advocate er achter kwam dat Rich tijdens zijn dienstperiode mee had gespeeld in enkele porno-films, schroomden ze niet dit in de openbaarheid te gooien, met opnieuw een rel als gevolg.
Het boek begint met dit schandaal om vervolgens terug te duiken naar Rich’s streng Christelijke opvoeding aan het benauwende Bob Jones instituut. Rich heeft genoeg stof ter beschikking: masturbatie-maagd tot boven de twintig, in ontkenning over zijn homoseksualiteit tot zijn vijfentwintigste, zijn dubbelleven bij de marine, onbezonnen uitstapjes in de wereld van striptease en porno, klinische depressie, verslaving aan pillen en drank en zelfmoordpogingen.
Hoewel het boek te veel minder interessante details bevat en er een flink aantal pagina’s gesnoeid had mogen worden, blijft het je boeien, ondanks de wat droge stijl. Rich toont zich impulsief en behaagziek, soms wat arrogant, andere keren ontwapenend eerlijk en to-the-point, zoals wanneer hij toegeeft problemen te hebben gehad met voortijdig klaarkomen. Hij schijnt aan het eind van het boek zelf te denken dat hij zijn leven op de rails te heeft, maar je vraagt je als lezer af of hij toch niet nog eens zal ontsporen. Als eind-dertiger, heeft hij hopelijk nog een lange rit in het vooruitzicht.

Secrets of a Gay Marine Pornstar – Rich Merritt ISBN 0-7582-0968-1
http://www.richmerritt.com/

(Gepubliceerd in de Gay Krant, 2005)

Boekrecensie: Heb je even voor mij?

In deze jachtige tijden heb je niet altijd de puf om je door een dikke roman heen te graven. Soms heb je alleen genoeg rust voor een literair vluggertje: een paar inspirerende citaten of goede grappen. Het zijn dit soort boeken (boekjes) die het ook goed doen op de koffietafel, om een wachtende gast te vermaken als je daar zelf even geen gelegenheid toe hebt.
The Quotable Queer bevat citaten niet alleen van maar ook over homo’s van zowel vriend als vijand. Auteur Minnie van Pileup maakt het zichzelf iets te makkelijk door veel quotes van die grappige homo’s uit het populaire Queer Eye for the Straight Guy als vulling te gebruiken. Vaak zijn deze niet leuker dan wat de gemiddelde gevatte kroegnicht uit zijn mouw kan schudden. Naast de melige en soms diepzinnige uitspraken, zijn er ook citaten te vinden uit de Amerikaanse politiek, inclusief woede opwekkende uitspraken van extreem rechts. Een interessant boekje, al zit er tussen de juweeltjes te veel nepgoud.
Voor de kattenliefhebber is er nu eindelijk een visueel hulpmiddel voor het beantwoorden van die prangende vraag: Is your Cat Gay? In een dun hardcovertje met simpele maar effectieve plaatjes worden de aanwijzingen op een rijtje gezet: ‘Is kitty appalled by anything less than sushi-quality tuna served on Limoges?’ Meer een boekje dat je zou kopen als cadeautje dan voor jezelf, maar goed voor een humoristisch vluggertje.
Persoonlijke favoriet is het mooi vormgegeven (maar wel wat duurdere) When I Knew. Stijlvolle illustraties en foto’s omlijsten typografisch creatief weergegeven anekdotes van holebi’s over het moment dat zij of mensen in hun omgeving tot de conclusie kwamen dat ze ‘anders’ waren. Soms is het een ontroerend verhaaltje, soms één gevatte zin: ‘I was officially told when my wife and boyfriend sat me down and said, “You’re gay!”.’ Dit aantrekkelijke pakketje verdient zijn weg te vinden naar menig roze koffietafel.

“The Quotable Queer”- Minnie van Pileup ISBN 159 233 12 03
Is your Cat Gay? - Charles Kreloff, Patty Brown, Victoria Roberts ISBN 074 326 40 88
When I Knew - Robert Trachtenberg, Tom Bachtell ISBN 006 057 14 62

(Gepubliceerd in de Gay Krant, 2005)

Boekrecensie: Yaoi - Homo Manga

In principe zijn alle traditionele manga’s - dat wil zeggen, Japanse strips - ‘van de verkeerde kant’. De verhalen beginnen op wat naar westers gebruik de laatste pagina is en de plaatjes/tekstballonnen moeten tegen ons gevoel in van rechts naar links gelezen worden. Er is echter een hele stroming die ook qua inhoud van de ‘verkeerde’ kant is: Yaoi, oftewel ‘boy’s love’ verhalen. Dit genre schijnt vooral onder vrouwen in Japan populair te zijn.
De personages in deze strips zijn een absolute tegenhanger van de Tom of Finland spierbundels. De mannen zijn slank, onbehaard en hebben halflang haar dat voortdurend voor hun grote ogen met lange wimpers hangt. Ze dwepen uitgebreid en in melodramatische poses, verscheurd door hun passies en twijfels, die meestal ontstaan door een driehoeksverhouding. De verhalen zijn vrij eenvoudig en dat is maar goed ook, omdat een onervaren lezer al snel het spoor bijster zou raken door de wat rommelige manier van vertellen en vreemde schommelingen in toon. Tussen al het romantisch drama is soms ook opeens een grafisch wat verhulde maar expliciete handeling te vinden zoals een vinger die een kont in glijdt of een wat wazig weergegeven ‘echte’ penetratie.
Vooral voor de liefhebbers van soaps en strips valt het aan te raden zich een keer te wagen aan de intrigerende cultuurbotsingen die manga te bieden heeft. Wie daarna behoefte heeft aan meer diepgang, kan ik de klassieke graphic novel (geen manga) Stuck Rubber Baby aanbevelen, een coming out / coming of age verhaal dat speelt in het Amerika van de jaren zestig.

Naduki Koujima, Selfish Love vol 1 ISBN 1586649590
Kazuma Kodaka, Kizuna: Bonds of Love vol. 1 ISBN 1586649566
Shinobu Gotoh, Shoko Takaku, Passion vol. 1 ISBN 1569709785
Howard Cruse, Stuck Rubber Baby ISBN 1563892553

(Gepubliceerd in de Gay Krant 2005)

Boekrecensie: Historische Homo Sex

De Engelse schrijver Nigel Cawthorne wordt mateloos gefascineerd door het sex- en liefdesleven van beroemdheden en hij is lang niet de enige, blijkt uit de verkoopcijfers van roddelbladen. Maar waar die bladen zich richten op minieme pseudo-ontwikkelingen van dag tot dag in het hier en nu, blikt Cawthorne liever terug op het verleden en vat de levens van de groten der aarde bondig samen. In zijn ‘Sex Lives…’ reeks, bekijkt hij amoureuze escapades van onder andere presidenten, dictators, artiesten en - jawel - pausen: ‘lots of them ­have been very bad boys’. Begin dit jaar verscheen Sex Lives of the Famous Gays en in augustus kunnen we de Famous Lesbians tegenhanger verwachten.
Hij begint Famous Gays met twee hoofdstukken over de onvermijdelijke Oscar Wilde en wijdt in verhouding de meeste pagina’s aan hem. Daarbij schippert hij soms oncomfortabel tussen volledigheid en beknoptheid. Vele namen vliegen voorbij maar er is geen ruimte om ze tot leven te brengen. De meeste andere famous gays (o.a. Rimbaud & Verlaine, J. Edgar Hoover, Yukio Mishima en Quentin Crisp) krijgen slechts zo’n tien tot twintig pagina’s toebedeeld en die aanpak werkt beter. Het zijn smaakmakende, vetvrije stukjes die je doen voornemen ooit andere, uitgebreidere biografieën over ze door te zwoegen.
Cawthorne’s schijfstijl is vlot en hij meldt met aanstekelijk plezier de wat grovere details, zoals het verslag van het anaal onderzoek waaraan Verlaine onderworpen werd om te zien of hij zich schuldig had gemaakt aan homo-seks. Hij plaatst komische terzijdes die soms minder komisch zijn dat hij denkt, maar het blijft een vermakelijk, informatief boek en is voor de beginnende homo historicus zeker de moeite waard.
Nigel Cawthorne, Sex Lives of the Famous Gays ISBN 1853755540
Sex Lives of the Famous Lesbians ISBN 1853755559

(Gepubliceerd in de Gay Krant, 2005)

Movie Review: Mambo Italiano

Though this is billed as a gay romantic comedy, it is ultimately more about family than anything else. The Story: Italian guy loves Italian guy, the families find out and shit proceeds to hit the fan. It hooked me at the start, with the silly humor, the big, colorful set pieces and the big, colorful characters, but it lost me towards the end when the narrative went off the rails. The movie starts out by making us emotionally invest (though not nearly enough) in a relationship that hits the rocks. A second love interest comes into view, but he never seems more than filler to be discarded when the first big love will return.
Some may call the unexpected ending a neat twist, others might note that the movie skews our interest the wrong way. Even worse: ultimately there isn't all that much interest to begin with, as the movie splits our attention with two love-interests for our hero, but doesn't flesh either of them out enough to make us really care. It spends the most time making us care about the stereotypical-but-admittedly-funny family drama. The movie ends suddenly at 80 minutes without any kind of big emotional payoff. As with most gay comedies intended for a wider audience, it shies away from more than a quick kiss on the lips and a hug from the romantic leads. No wild, passionate fires burning here.

Four word review: Funny, short and misguided
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0330602/

Movie Review: Chicken Tikka Masala

I would love there to be more gay romantic comedies, specifically more good gay romantic comedies. Chicken Tikka Masala looked promising, going by the box. The story: an arranged marriage threatens to get in the way of the relationship between an Indian guy and his English-lad boyfriend. Me and my half-Indian boyfriend appeared to be as much the intended audience as anyone. We settled down cosily on the couch on valentine's day and the next 90 minutes seemed to last an infinity. Never did two men have só little chemistry together and they never have more than a brotherly hug on screen. The movie seems to be in the closet about its own subject matter; at some point the word 'gay' is almost used, but then the writer backs off from such a scary concept.
The clumsiness and technical incompetence is all-round: way too many close-ups, bad framing, bad lighting, perfunctory dialogue, bad music and bad editing, with some crucial scenes missing. I really, really tried to like it for the first 20 minutes or so, after that I just kept checking in with the clock to see how close we were to the promised total running time. The ending concerns an unlikely 'startling' realisation and an even more unlikely response to it and - voila - happy ending. See The Wedding Banquet for a similar story with a much bigger payoff and some actual emotional involvement. This curry? Not so hot.

Four word review: Run for your Life
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0449000/

Ironic Valentine's Day Poem

Breaking up is fun to do
Not always - but it is with you!

Once upon a little while
In a state they call Denial
Lived together you and me
Happily pretending we
Were fitting like a hand and glove
Well, I've got news for you, my love
We fit like eyes and cataract
We fit like Howard Stern and tact
You're messy, smelly, dumb and weak
How could I ever love you, freak!?
You call me names, you cheat and lie
Why don't you just fuck off and DIE!

I tried só hard to tolerate
The things about you that I hate
Because you looked so gosh-darn cute
But now my hormones have gone mute
And I see you as others do
Go pack your things, because we're through!
You're out of time
You're out of luck
So BITE ME!
For you truly SUCK!
...
But could you call me friday night?
'Cause in the sack we are só right!...

Book Review: Gay Self-Help Books

Please note: this was originally written for the bookstore that I work at, about two years ago.

Way Gay

For some it may still be the love that dare not speak its name but for a lot of writers it is now a topic blissfully devoid of shame. From subtle subtext in times less permissive to more explicit and let’s be frank - even hardcore – musings, there is a wealth of gay and lesbian books to be found in the appropriately titled ‘Gay and Lesbian’ section in our basement.

While browsing, the more easily shocked might wish to avert their eyes from the Meat Rack - the part of the section holding the sex magazines. Others might even quite enjoy taking a closer look.

Apart from many novels by famous writers such as Armistead Maupin, David Leavitt and Edmund White, there are plenty of tomes to help you become (or stay) a well-adjusted gay man or woman. Others can help you find that special someone and give advice on how to keep your relationship and sex-life at a highpoint. The following examples have been fairly randomly selected by me - a gay guy - and therefore focus on men, for which I apologize somewhat.

Gaydar is a semi-serious book that will supposedly help anyone identify a homosexual ‘in the wild’. It is potentially useful when having a crush on a guy of unknown leanings, for both gay men and straight women. The writer plays around with stereotypes while keeping it clear that they are – in fact – just that. Don’t expect great veracity or depth, but it is rather handsomely illustrated and designed, making it a great coffee-table book or gift.

Also on the lightweight-but-fun side is Sex Tips for Gay Guys. In a slightly sarcastic style, it covers mostly the art of pick-ups and the art of getting laid, but it is more amusing than useful. There is also a large section on – once again – gay stereotypes and what to expect when dealing with any of these subspecies. Since a lot of these types are specifically American, they will be of relatively little use in Europe. If it is more than lust you’re after, Boyfriend 101 will be your cup of strong manly tea. Although the tone is a bit preachy and affirmative – “yes we are all beautiful in our own way and deserve love and you too can find…”, etc. – there are actually useful pointers in here that might help get you in the right frame of mind for finding someone and playing for keeps, such as: don’t sleep with a guy until after the third date. Simple, but – so I’ve heard – effective. It also presents a time-schedule with the troubles you might find yourself dealing with during each phase of a relationship.

More wry is Finding True Love in a Man-Eat-Man World. It goes into great detail about the importance of communication in a relationship – on how to have a ‘good’ fight, for example - and deals head-on with the fact that – apparently - after a certain amount of years virtually 0% of gay relationships are actually monogamous. It explains that this does not have to diminish the relationship in any way and suggests what arrangements can be made to best accommodate the polygamous among us. (Hands up anyone who really, really isn’t.)

Whether you want to keep your sex-life sparkling after years of being together or are trying to impress a new lover, Going Down might be just what you need. It has its tongue firmly in its cheek, but only style-wise. For this is a book all about blow jobs. Interesting techniques and an anatomy lesson are padded with lots of titillating anecdotes and statistics. But be careful whom you give this to – they might take it as criticism. Better to leave it ‘carelessly’ lying around for your man to find.

And so we come to The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men. Not exactly a coffee-table book, unless you really want to make your guests blush. It does have some interesting things to say. For instance: the author claims that less gay men do this sort of thing than one might think, while a surprising amount of straights do. And did you know that some Chinese men enjoy the occasional relaxing prostate massage from their wives? Though it delves into its subject matter more deeply than most people will feel comfortable with, it is indispensable reading for aficionados.

So come pick up any of these titles, find a nice beach or terrace to read on and don’t let your attention be distracted by that cute guy who just came walking by. Unless you plan to ask him to help you practice.

Gaydar - Donald F. Reuter
Sex Tips for Gay Guys – Dan Anderson
Boyfriend 101 – Jim Sullivan
Finding True Love in a Man-Eat-Man World – Craig Nelson
Going Down: Instinct Guide to Oral Sex - Ben Rogers and Joel Perry
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men – Bill Brent

Making an Online Profile

How, oh, how to create a winning profile... Let's start with the do's and don'ts for the aspiring and/or ambitious online dater.

PICTURES
First of all, men are visual creatures, so their first judgement on your level of interest will come from a quick once over, much as in real life. Shallow? Well, yes, but also a fact of life. You can protest it all you want, but it won't - ultimately - do you much good. If the person who reads your profile is not impressed by the pictures, odds are he won't stick around to read your profile-text. If you have a low opinion of your own looks, just keep in mind that people have wildly different tastes and that you will fit some of those tastes. If you have a wonderful personality - great for you, and it will come to much use for ultimate staying power and actually reeling somebody in for the long term. However, in the beginning, without a presentable exterior you will be screwed. Or not, as the case may be. Now firmly into the 21st century, there is no excuse for not having digital images of yourself. Failing a decent digital camera, webcams are cheap and if handled properly can be good enough in case of emergency. The properly part is important though, fuzzy pictures made by the light of a candle will make anyone look like Frankenstein. Get a second opinion, if possible.
Look like you
The trick is to present yourself positively, without straying too far from what you actually look like at this moment. Pictures from ten years ago when you were much cuter are only allowed if they come with a time machine. And if, by the use of various kinds of direct and indirect lighting you can make yourself look like a sexgod, it is still going to disappoint when, without all this trickery, in real life you look like Mr Joe Average from Blandsville. A couple of clear shots that show different sides of you - literally and figuratively - will be the most effective. Include at least one picture that shows pretty much all of you, clothing optional. Parts not seen (face, chest, stomach) might be assumed to have hidden (perceived) flaws.
Avoid pictures apparently taken with a satellite, featuring you as a dot in the distance, or pictures that obscure the face with glasses, hats, bandana's, boas and/or other accessoires. Coy equals irritating. Also annoying are the 'not me but what I like' pictures in profiles. Trust me: nobody cares. And if there IS actually a picture of you on the profile too - think about how you will look by comparison next to Mr. Dream Guy.
Clothing optional
Your level of nakedness will determine how seriously people will take you. If you are looking for just friends or a serious relationship and want to screen out those cruising for sex, keep your clothes on. Should you feel frisky on some nights and want something more 'now' and less 'forever', you could always keep a shirtless-or-even-more-naked picture ready to send to your suitors.
If you are just looking for sex and have a particulary impressive chest, dick or ass, you could of course present this to the public, since it is your selling-point. However most people, even those looking for one-offs, will be wanting to see your face before committing to a real meeting. And if you won't show your face in your profile together with your naked parts - to keep your reputation somewhat intact - they'd better be impressive to grab the attention. There are plenty of faceless torso's out there on the net.
Also be aware that there are many different levels of nakedness. Having your ass spread open to the viewer will be a big turn-off to a lot of people. Possibly even to some hot tops who would have happily shagged you if you'd kept it a little bit more classy. On the other hand - so to speak - if you are looking for a sleazy top from the fisting-crowd, classy might be a turn-off. Consider your audience: who do you want to attract, and what would they find attractive?
Anonymous
If you are not willing to show your face online or don't have any pictures at all, don't expect much patience and understanding from those who have laid it all out there. Any kind of extra effort in exchanging pictures will have to be yours. Some people don't like dabbling with msn or yahoo or such messengers, especially when someone hasn't been 'seen' yet. And it can be more hurtful if someone - once on msn or the like - takes one quick look at you and comes out with a polite - if you're lucky - version of 'Ah, no way in hell. Bye.'

TEXT
In your profile text, be clear, to the point and focus on what you want, rather than on what you don't want. Nobody will be running a spell-check on your profile - we can only hope - but full sentences will gain you perceived intelligence points. Poems in your profile and endless incoherent rambles in punctuation-less chat-speak will make you come off as a goofball. Unless you happen to actually be a funny goofball, this is generally not considered a plus.
The more specific you are about what you are looking for, the more people you might 'lose', but you will also have to sift through less non-matching responses. But be succint, since most visitors to your profile will bail if there is too much text, or at least not read it properly before sending you a line. It is okay to ignore these kind of responses, but also okay to forgive the responder for not reading properly and to give him a chance, especially if he is extremely hot.
If you do not have any text in your profile at all people will assume that you are either a fake, a flake or just a voyeur.
Be pc
Try to be somewhat politically correct. If you stated that you like big hairy men, you do not need to explicitly state that you are generally not attracted to Asian men. And this way, who knows, you could run into the big, hairy Asian man of your dreams. Just because certain types of men aren't to your taste, that doesn't mean you have to be a bitch about it. Stating that you like masculine men comes across a lot more friendly than 'no sissies'. And saying you like in-shape guys is a lot friendlier than saying 'no fatties'. In short, even if you are an amazingly handsome guy with a great body and a huge dick, remember that big dicks are only fun when they don't come attached to a big asshole. Well... most of the time. And being rude does not equal being masculine, girls!

STATS, HOBBIES etc
And here's the part where people really start lying their little asses off...
THAT size
It's interesting to note right off the bat that far more than 50% of the gay guys online have a Large dick. Since Medium means middle, and statistically speaking 50% of men should be around Medium size, this is a puzzling phenomenon. Also note that there are virtually no Small dicks to speak off. So in interpreting a profile, be aware that guys who have XXL, XL and L in their profile might have to be taken down one notch, possibly two. When you see M in a profile, it might be an S in diguise, or just someone who has a realistic image of himself in that area. So, what to fill in, eh? Well, as with all of internet dating, it's best to go with the truth. If you feel you are in a grey area between sizes, it is okay to flatter yourself a little. But this is one area where you definitely do not want a look of disappointment when the pants go down. Instant mood-kill.
Of course, you can also fill in nothing. This tends to be interpreted as a flaw being hidden, but somebody who doesn't fill in his 'size' doesn't necessarily have a small dick, he might just think it none of your business. In some confirmed cases, guys with XXL dicks consciously leave this titbit out because they do NOT want their main selling point to be that they have a huge dick. Mull that over, size queens!
If someone is going to reject you over something that is totally out of your control, you might as well get rid of him at the door, a.k.a. your profile. For comparison, statistical averages can be found online.
Length
It can be hard to tell someone's overall size without a frame of reference and it's not easy to see it from someone's pictures. I think there tends to be less lying in this area because in this case not many people will care about an inch more or less, and big lies are very easily disproved even before the bed comes into view. Just be honest, since once again there is nothing much you can change about it. Those interested in your profile should accept it as-is or move on to pastures taller or shorter, depending on their taste.
Age
There is a lot of lying about this, sometimes to avoid the chop of a search engine, but most often because of the vanity and insecurity of the people who are lying. If, as an older gentleman, someone who visits your profile fancies you because of the text or pictures, then an extra year or two won't make a difference to him, so no point in fibbing. It will, however, look a bit sad when/if he finds out about your little grey lie. Subtracting more than a year or two will increase chances of being 'caught' and increase chances of you being pitied. A secure older man can be hot, an insecure older man who wants to be a boy can not. And filling in random numbers to protest against agism, accompanied by a diatribe in your profile text, is not going to win you any respect. Just accept and own the age you're at.
The shape you're in
Don't oversell yourself in this area, since your build tends to be bloody obvious from the photos in the profile. If you claim you are 'muscled' while your pictures show you to be 'stocky' or 'heavy', you will come off deluded and will be fooling exactly no-one. And a 'normal' body looks different to an 'athletic' one, at least to people who work out. This is one aspect you have at least some influence on, so if you feel embarrassed about what you have to fill in here, don't tell a bold-faced lie, but work on yourself.
Relationship status
Once again being honest about this would save everybody a lot of hassle. It sucks to be looking for a relationship, to have a great dinner with a great guy and to be told afterwards: oh, by the way, I actually have a boyfriend.
If you have an open relationship, make clear that it is indeed all out in the open, because some people might feel bad about being party to cheating ('cheating' meaning not playing by the rules as set in the relationship) and skip your profile.
To clear up any confusion about being just out of a relationship or single but not looking or looking but not single or an all-out sex-addict or what-have-you, you should specify your mindset in the text of your profile.
Hobbies, interests, beliefs
If you are looking just for sex, you might not care what you write down here. But if you're looking for anything more, from a friend to a boyfriend or even a fuckbuddy, it will be a good way to see if you have anything in common with your prospective visitor, something that will make you bond for longer than a round or two of hide-the-salami. It will also give someone who is interested in your profile a good way to contact you and give him something to start a conversation.
Your role/position
In the gay scene, being top (masculine) carries more status than being bottom (supposedly un-masculine). So in filling out their 'position', men tend to err on the side of top-ness. Meaning that a 'top' might well be a bit 'versatile', a 'versatile/top' is probably a lot versatile, a 'versatile' more bottom and a 'bottom' is likely to be a BOTTOM. But ultimately a lot of people 'go-with-the-flow' anyway when the going gets sexy.
Fetishes/ kinks
In sharing your kinkiness with the world, please note that, the more unusual your particular kink, the less likely your reader is to share it. You might be willing to go 'vanilla' for them, but they might be turned off by you being a bit kinky in that way. More kinks means less people interested but more chance of meeting similar perverts.
Safe sex
Not all sites offer the option to give your preference for this, but they should. Perhaps they fear that it makes it easier for barebackers to find eachother this way, but at least it singles them out for those who want to avoid that sort of thing.
First of all though, be aware that most people who 'slip up now and then' will still be filling in 'always' here. And opinions differ on what is safe sex. Some people let guys cum in their mouths and/or swallow under the impression that this is safe. (Which it is not, going by current knowledge.) And some guys in relationships have bare sex with their boyfriend but safe with others, and still only semi-correctly claim they 'always' have safe sex. 'Always' does not mean you should not be watching your ass.
As for those for whom safe sex 'needs discussion' or who 'never' have safe sex, keep in mind that not only are they more likely to have a STD, but they are apparently also not fans of/regularly experienced with condoms. So if you are STD-free, you will need to make sure they respect you and your health. If you have HIV and figure 'what the hell', remember that mixing different variants and getting an extra dose of the virus might still not exactly be what the doctor ordered and might make you resistant to treatments.
Health status
Not many sites ask you to give your 'status', but some do, meaning - specifically - HIV. For understandable fear of rejection, a lot of poz men will not want to be open about their status. As someone who is neg, it can be scary going into a sex situation knowing beforehand that someone is poz. But if you get to know them well enough to be sure that they take medication and have a low virus count - consider that they are less likely to have an infectuous level of HIV than a random guy from online with unknown status. No matter what status someone has: be safe.