Book Review: Gay Self-Help Books

Please note: this was originally written for the bookstore that I work at, about two years ago.

Way Gay

For some it may still be the love that dare not speak its name but for a lot of writers it is now a topic blissfully devoid of shame. From subtle subtext in times less permissive to more explicit and let’s be frank - even hardcore – musings, there is a wealth of gay and lesbian books to be found in the appropriately titled ‘Gay and Lesbian’ section in our basement.

While browsing, the more easily shocked might wish to avert their eyes from the Meat Rack - the part of the section holding the sex magazines. Others might even quite enjoy taking a closer look.

Apart from many novels by famous writers such as Armistead Maupin, David Leavitt and Edmund White, there are plenty of tomes to help you become (or stay) a well-adjusted gay man or woman. Others can help you find that special someone and give advice on how to keep your relationship and sex-life at a highpoint. The following examples have been fairly randomly selected by me - a gay guy - and therefore focus on men, for which I apologize somewhat.

Gaydar is a semi-serious book that will supposedly help anyone identify a homosexual ‘in the wild’. It is potentially useful when having a crush on a guy of unknown leanings, for both gay men and straight women. The writer plays around with stereotypes while keeping it clear that they are – in fact – just that. Don’t expect great veracity or depth, but it is rather handsomely illustrated and designed, making it a great coffee-table book or gift.

Also on the lightweight-but-fun side is Sex Tips for Gay Guys. In a slightly sarcastic style, it covers mostly the art of pick-ups and the art of getting laid, but it is more amusing than useful. There is also a large section on – once again – gay stereotypes and what to expect when dealing with any of these subspecies. Since a lot of these types are specifically American, they will be of relatively little use in Europe. If it is more than lust you’re after, Boyfriend 101 will be your cup of strong manly tea. Although the tone is a bit preachy and affirmative – “yes we are all beautiful in our own way and deserve love and you too can find…”, etc. – there are actually useful pointers in here that might help get you in the right frame of mind for finding someone and playing for keeps, such as: don’t sleep with a guy until after the third date. Simple, but – so I’ve heard – effective. It also presents a time-schedule with the troubles you might find yourself dealing with during each phase of a relationship.

More wry is Finding True Love in a Man-Eat-Man World. It goes into great detail about the importance of communication in a relationship – on how to have a ‘good’ fight, for example - and deals head-on with the fact that – apparently - after a certain amount of years virtually 0% of gay relationships are actually monogamous. It explains that this does not have to diminish the relationship in any way and suggests what arrangements can be made to best accommodate the polygamous among us. (Hands up anyone who really, really isn’t.)

Whether you want to keep your sex-life sparkling after years of being together or are trying to impress a new lover, Going Down might be just what you need. It has its tongue firmly in its cheek, but only style-wise. For this is a book all about blow jobs. Interesting techniques and an anatomy lesson are padded with lots of titillating anecdotes and statistics. But be careful whom you give this to – they might take it as criticism. Better to leave it ‘carelessly’ lying around for your man to find.

And so we come to The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men. Not exactly a coffee-table book, unless you really want to make your guests blush. It does have some interesting things to say. For instance: the author claims that less gay men do this sort of thing than one might think, while a surprising amount of straights do. And did you know that some Chinese men enjoy the occasional relaxing prostate massage from their wives? Though it delves into its subject matter more deeply than most people will feel comfortable with, it is indispensable reading for aficionados.

So come pick up any of these titles, find a nice beach or terrace to read on and don’t let your attention be distracted by that cute guy who just came walking by. Unless you plan to ask him to help you practice.

Gaydar - Donald F. Reuter
Sex Tips for Gay Guys – Dan Anderson
Boyfriend 101 – Jim Sullivan
Finding True Love in a Man-Eat-Man World – Craig Nelson
Going Down: Instinct Guide to Oral Sex - Ben Rogers and Joel Perry
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men – Bill Brent